Not having kids during the holidays is hard. I’m not looking for sympathy or pity. It was my choice, but Christmas is definitely a holiday with children in mind. Also, after December 15 I do not get returned emails, Costco is insane every day, and I watch everyone else excited about spending time with their families on the holidays. My parents live 1,210 miles away, so I see them every other Christmas (as long as there isn’t a Worldwide pandemic).
I stopped decorating or putting up a tree sometime during the last decade. But this year, we’d talked about putting up a tree. Then, we had a conversation with our child-free friends that felt a bit anti-Christmas, and I got worried. Were Ryan and I turning into Todd and Margo from “Christmas Vacation?” God forbid.
In an all-out attempt to not be “that married couple” who has margaritas on Christmas, we put up a tree this year. We even made an evening of it—listening to old-fashioned holiday music on the record player and drinking egg nog cocktails, which, quite frankly, I think are gross.
A Christmas Beer Tasting
We discovered ornaments we’d forgotten about like an orange and blue Denver Broncos bauble from 1996. Deep within the box marked “Christmas” there was also a wreath for our front door featuring a woodworking Santa Claus.
Also in the box were some door hangers in the shape of mittens with big bells attached. They are now hanging from our downstairs bathroom door which jingles whenever a person goes in or out. Who says peeing can’t be festive? And where the hell did we get this stuff?
Half the time we forget to turn off the tree (or forget to turn it on). I am not sure I feel more Christmassy, except when I pee. And our pumpkin from Halloween is still on the porch because it’s still healthy. No, it’s not carved or rotten, so it stays, along with the woodworking Santa Claus on the door AND we put twinkling lights around our window—because, we’re the jolliest bunch of a**holes this side of the nuthouse, and we are not Todd and Margo.
By the way, we’ve watched an unusual amount of Christmas movies this year and I highly recommend “The Man Who Invented Christmas.” It’s from 2017, but somehow we missed it.
Merry Christmas you filthy animals!
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Heidi,
This was a fun read. Before kids, I really thought that my husband and I were like Todd and Margo (which really sounds better Margo and Too because she wears the pants in that family)! I never watched Christmas Vacation growing up because my mom thought it was crass. She has lightened up and so have I. We watch it every year and I feel a little bit more like Ellen–which is not necessarily a good thing.
I think the reality is that each of us, and each couple, is unique. None of us should be a certain way–except kind to others (IMHO). Lately, I’ve been thinking that many people are performative in their daily lives. They go through the motions of life without being thoughtful. You are thoughtful, inquisitive and respectful. I appreciate that! I wish you a happy end of the year and a wonderful 2025!
Ashley