Okay, so Pirates of the Caribbean 3 may not be the worst movie ever, but it may be the most expensive worst movie ever (it cost 272.6 million to create). I am a little under the weather this weekend, so we decided to stay in last night and order Pirates of the Caribbean 3 On Demand; a decision we began to regret about twenty minutes into the movie.
We saw Pirates 1 in the movie theater and it was slightly entertaining. I’m usually game to watch any movie starring Johnny Depp (I’ve been a fan since 21 Jump Street). When Pirates 2 came out, we also saw it in the movie theater and were disappointed. It was watchable (barely) but not as good as the first. Basically, it wasn’t worth the money so when Pirate 3 came out I refused to see it at the theater. As it turns out, this was a wise decision.
If you haven’t already subjected yourself to Pirates 3, please don’t waste your time (it would be better spend doing absolutely anything else, even twiddling your thumbs). Perhaps if someone pays you to watch it, don’t take less than $100.
I love movies and have been known to sit through some pretty terrible flicks, but at almost 3 hours long, I couldn’t take Pirates 3. I decided it was bedtime and made Ryan suffer through the last thirty minutes alone.
The problems with this movie are as follows (and though there are many, many more, these were the most glaring):
1. The story line is convoluted to the point of being nonsensical,
2. it’s full of the worst one-liners ever (and I like one-liners),
3. Webster’s definition of Stupid, pretty much sums of Pirates 3: slow of mind, given to unintelligent decisions or acts, acting in an unintelligent or careless manner, lacking intelligence or reason.